Opinion

Mamas, Let’s Lift Each Other Up!

December 2, 2018

Let’s put an end to the mom-shaming!

Being a Mom is not that hard.  Yep, I said it.  But before you go and get your panties in a bunch, let me clarify and say, being a Mom is not that hard – what’s hard is the balance of being a Mom.   Think about all the “chores” you do as a parent each and every day: make dinner, get the kids dressed and ready for school, laundry, cooking, driving to and from school, attend sporting events, change diapers, clean up toys, wash dishes, mop the floor, volunteer at bake sales, and all the other mundane tasks we as parents are required to do.  Everything listed above is not hard.  Frustrating? Yes.  Time-consuming?  Yes.  Boring?  Yes. But not hard.  Take every item listed above and add adult chores: working, maintaining friendships, keeping your love life alive, spending time with your kids– heaven help you if you want to work out or take an uninterrupted shower –it’s nearly impossible to live a fulfilled life.

I have had the luxury of being a stay-at-home Mom my entire “Mommyhood” but the truth is that it hasn’t fulfilled me in all the ways I thought it would.  Here I sit paying a babysitter $25 an hour simply so I can feel like a human and work on a passion project that does not include my kids.  Can we all admit that the grass is greener in every scenario?  As a stay-at-home-mom, I long for the days when I went to work and had adult conversations, could browse the internet, dress nicely, ate through working lunches, and used my brain in ways that didn’t involve how best to set up Legos.  And then you talk to a working mom and they suffer from so much guilt that they would give their right foot to be at every sporting event, Mommy & Me class, pick-up at school, and to have a moment to look through a cookbook on how best to make beef stroganoff suitable for the entire family!  Even when working moms choose to work, there is never enough time and choices still have to be made and guilt comes shining through.

If you looked at me last summer it seemed like my life was perfect: I have a beautiful house, healthy kids, happy marriage, successful husband.  You could even go more surface-level – I have the top-of-the-line stroller, wear brand names, was able to throw the perfect shower and birthday party, and hosted play dates every week with a champagne bar.  Yet, on the inside, I was suffering from so much anxiety that it induced depression so debilitating that I ended up in the hospital at UCLA psychiatry.

Ladies, we have to stop being so mean to each other.  We have to stop overgeneralizing the other side.  We have to stop with the “Well, if I had time to bake cookies, I’d do it more too” and “wouldn’t that be nice to have the nanny each morning so I can curl my hair.”  Every person is simply trying to live their life so they don’t get swallowed by the Balance.

Can we all admit that the grass is always greener in every scenario?  There is not one person you encounter every single day that isn’t fighting a battle.  It doesn’t matter what it is, big or small; every single person is fighting something.  We are living in an extraordinary time where women are bonding together through the “Times Up” and the “Me Too” movement, so why are we so quick to judge another mom?  Let’s admit that being a Mom is not that hard; it’s the balance of being a woman that is hard.  I say we bond together, quit the judgment, support one another, and lift women up wherever their passion lies.

  • Reply
    Amy Shamus
    December 4, 2018 at 7:10 pm

    Love! Thanks for sharing, Annie. So well written. As I say sarcastically almost daily, “being a mom is the best, until it is the worst.” High highs and low lows mark all of our days. Like you, let’s share and band together. I’m with you girl! XXXX

    • Reply
      Annie Hull
      December 18, 2018 at 4:35 am

      Thank you so much, girl! Appreciate the support so much!

  • Reply
    Karissa
    December 4, 2018 at 7:18 pm

    This is beautiful and so true. Thanks for being vulnerable.

    • Reply
      Annie Hull
      December 18, 2018 at 4:35 am

      Love you, Karissa, thanks so much for the support!

  • Reply
    Allie
    December 5, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    I am thrilled that you are doing this! I’m sure I am going to love every post. XO!

    • Reply
      Annie Hull
      December 18, 2018 at 4:36 am

      You are so sweet for the support, I am so glad you are liking it so far, wish me luck! I need your email so I can keep you up to date:) Always love and miss you! XO

  • Reply
    Lynn
    December 5, 2018 at 9:49 pm

    Well said Annie—and you are a good Mom.
    Your site is beautiful.

    • Reply
      Annie Hull
      December 18, 2018 at 4:37 am

      Thank you so much, Lynn! You guys are always so supportive!

  • Reply
    Erica Bender
    December 6, 2018 at 1:45 am

    Hi Annie! You are certainly inspiring and so on point! This is an excellent reminder to focus on the good and proud moments in my own ‘mom balance’ situation and continue to lean on fellow mom friends who understand the challenges and allow me to laugh when a good laugh is required.
    I wish you so much success with this project – I have no doubt you will inspire MANY! I hope you and your beautiful family are well xoxo
    – an old college friend 😉

    • Reply
      Annie Hull
      December 18, 2018 at 4:37 am

      You might be an old college friend but I always think of you and love keeping up via social, thank you for the support, I miss you!

  • Reply
    Kristin Henry
    December 6, 2018 at 5:26 am

    Such powerful words, my friend. Thanks for creating this space to let each other breathe. This is golden.❤️

    • Reply
      Annie Hull
      December 18, 2018 at 4:38 am

      Thank you so much, you guys have been so vital this past year for our family, thank you for supporting me – and us! Xo

  • Reply
    Tracy Feik
    December 6, 2018 at 5:50 pm

    Annie, first off…LOVE your blog and I’m so excited to see and read more and connect with other moms and woman who want to be moms who need to be heard or just need this to reassure normalcy. I CAN definitely relate to this article on mom-shaming so much. I am a first time mom and I know first hand how hard it is to go back to work after a short 3 months off on maternity leave. The rollercoaster of emotions and feelings that came over me ranged, first and foremost, from not doing enough as a mom, not being their for my husband as a wife and my vowed wife duties, not being in the kitchen after work cooking dinner and sitting down as a family at the table enough, not being my bubbly self all the time (or ever it seemed), not planning date nights, friend wine dates……and not once thinking I should be doing something for myself, plain ole depleted! All of these NOTS started to take over and consume me and my well-being. Anyways…as I rant on and on…YOU SAY IT PERFECTLY…I now know being a mom is easy but balancing it all as my womanly duties is hard. Preach on sista Im listening!

    • Reply
      Annie Hull
      December 18, 2018 at 4:39 am

      Tracy, you are an amazing Mom and have SO much on your plate right now! I hope that reading this can help others that they are not alone and the struggle is real, even when we love our kids so much! Thank you SO much for the support! Xo

  • Reply
    Kate Carey
    December 7, 2018 at 3:53 pm

    This is great. Good job👍🏻

    • Reply
      Annie Hull
      December 18, 2018 at 4:39 am

      Thank you so much!!

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